Friday, August 23, 2013
CHOICES: SARAH PT. II
no. 1) I'm choosing to commit myself more seriously to creative pursuits that bring me joy. The desire to create has been life-long for me. I find a release and a comfort in singing at the top of my lungs, in expressing myself through written word, and in capturing an image with a camera. In the last few years, it's been tough to find room in my life for creativity, but I'm currently choosing to use the gifts I've been blessed with by developing and sharing them. I've lately fallen out of practice and confidence in my voice, which is only way I've ever been able to freely experience and express emotion. It's a release I've denied myself for far too long, and now is the time to reacquaint myself with it. Like singing, writing has consistently been the easiest way for me to logically communicate and process my thoughts. I haven't seriously pursued any sort of writing since my first semester at UNCA, but with this blog I am relearning & exercising a former strength. Photography is another for of expression which I've long wanted to learn, but have always lacked the time or financing to do so. Luckily, I married a photography expert (and with him, I married his camera collection!), and he's graciously begun teaching me technical skills. Using a camera to capture the beauty I see with my eyes every day is a great exercise in living in the present and appreciating the art that exists in the mundane.
no. 2) Fear is a prison that I've lived inside for my entire life. I'm currently finding freedom in forgiveness both by forgiving people who have hurt me, and forgiving myself for what I've done to hurt others. It's a tough (and daily) battle, but one I expect to win. I am so grateful for the beautiful friends and family in my life who patiently offer support while I duke it out with past demons and haunting memories. I will overcome, I will grow, I will give & accept forgiveness freely. I will seek truth and joy above darkness and fear.
no. 3) I'm choosing to not feel confined by definitions of what a 22 year old "should be" by getting comfortable with the strange in between space I live in; being so young but feeling old, carrying the responsibilities of an older person, yet having dreams I'm not ready to give up on. I will own the awkward tension between where my life is and where I (often unrealistically) wish it was. I am choosing to be content with where I currently am on my journey to becoming me, and to live in this present moment rather than constantly concern myself with the next two, five, ten, and twenty years of my life.
no. 4) When I say I'm choosing to curate my life, I suppose I mean that I am deliberately and with design curating the pieces of my life that exhibit me as a whole person. I don't mean curating merely the surface-level appearance of my home or clothing (though I do mean the word in that sense), but more importantly I mean the manner of loving & forgiving that I want to characterize my relationships. I want to intentionally choose to love people in a way that is outrageous & over-the-top with forgiveness and kindness. I fail at this frequently, but I am working to become better with practice. I want to be a friend who helps others curate the best version of themselves, who points others to hope, truth, life and light. I want my home to be a comforting, warm refuge for my friends and family, not only in looks but mainly in feeling. That starts by curating a heart of love & peace towards others. In that way I'll curate beauty first inside and then out.
no. 5) Resting goes hand in hand with fighting fear. To do battle one needs a fresh mind and a full heart. I have to recharge my heart & mind with sleep & rest. I am a chronic over-commiter and a 100% introvert. These two aspects of my life do not combine well. I am choosing to accept my introverted-ness and view rest (which for me is synonymous with alone time) as necessary, not optional.